A lot of people experience insecurity in their relationships because they have easily become victim of their own emotions and expression. Yes, not every insecure person has a cheating partner. The term insecurity explains a certain level of timidity and self-doubt, and not necessarily the inability to trust the other person. It stems from comparing their actions with your flaws and doubting that they can do better because you couldn’t do it. You judge them by your past mistakes and monitor their actions because of the guilt you feel. You think you are making things better or perhaps preventing a future problem, but all you are doing is getting entangled in your emotions and being distant from your partner (and the relationship).

This behaviour doesn’t always present itself as a bad idea at first because of your intentions until things get out of hand. You become obsessed with that mistake or that reaction that caused a problem in your past relationship or that existing relationship that you begin to undermine the very essence of the relationship. Unconsciously, it is no longer about what you are doing; it develops into what you aren’t doing. It is no longer about what they might do wrong but what you are not doing right. It goes from what you are trying to prevent a new situation you cannot control.

Thing is, insecurity creates more problem that what is being looked into. It manifests itself in emotions and blows your expressions out of proportion. Instead of easing into the feeling of what is good about the relationship, you waste time chasing the ghosts of imperfections that may be dead for good.

You have to understand how to let go of certain things. You can’t right certain wrongs, they correct themselves. Except you are dating an insensitive other, I believe everyone as an idea of what role to play in different situations. Moreover, it is imperative to discontinue the act of directing an unforeseen future with ideas from a past you cannot change by using it as a yardstick to judge present actions.

Imagine a scenario where a man cheated on his wife by going to a club and having transactional sex with a stripper. The wife learns about it, confronts him, and he comes through with the truth. They stormed through the next few days and moved on from discussing it. Now, the wife swings into action by stopping her husband from going to a club whenever he wants to because the idea of a club reminds her of what happened and makes her insecure. One can say she is within her rights to do so, yeah? Until one day, the man cheats again; this time with their daughter’s class teacher. He picks her from school daily. The wife has spent so much time feeling insecure about what happened that she missed what was coming. She imagined a future where he would cheat on her with another stripper and lost track of the present.

Insecurity breeds from unforgiving oneself or partner. It comes from not being able to let go emotionally. It is a dangerous attachment to what can ruin what is left to be preserved. It sounds unbelievably tough but it is easier to love than to hate, even easier to forgive than feel insecure from not choosing to heal. The former never mess with your peace of mind.